her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
