I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
