I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
