dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
