end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
