respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
