I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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