We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
