i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
