I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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