Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
