So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
