you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He felt like a one man threesome
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
