You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
