At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
