Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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