Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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