Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
