I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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