literally had 100 drinks last night.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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