I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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