My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
