so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
