Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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