Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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