He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
