I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i came on her dog
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
