Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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