They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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