Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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