Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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