you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ttyl tear gas
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
