her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
