bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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