she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
