Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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