He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
