i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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