OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
