mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
