she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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