Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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