it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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