I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
