he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
