Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
