I am in a vortex of obligation.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
