is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
