i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
