My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
