After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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