I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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