My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
