So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
