You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
