he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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