I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Send help, water and tortillas.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
