i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
