Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
