I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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