The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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