we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
