dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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