been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
