So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
