Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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