Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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