They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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