i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
